Living to Learn

I hate to be called mother. It gives me the same feeling that I try to convey when I call my kid’s by their whole name. Mother implies authority to me. Mom implies more of what I want to be. Strong, creative, fun, loving, compassionate, and encouraging. All the things my mom can be. My husband is gone traveling for work this week, so I usually sleep on the couch with a movie. At 2am, my 17 year old daughter came downstairs, woke me up, and asked if we could sleep together in my bed. I went up with her, and had a great night’s rest. Those moments are rare and far-between, but what being mom is all about. And now, as I catch up my blog, my other 5 are frantic at work with Mom’s Day plans… crepes with strawberries, handmade cards and poems, painted rocks, and my best flowers plucked in glass jar vases. I love this day! Happy Mom’s Day to every woman out there who puts her kid’s first, goes without to often, and eats the burnt toast. They will rise up and call you blessed. God will reward your sacrifice in His time. Blessing and love! (Love and miss you, mom, and wish we were together today… but see you soon!)

My uncle just died.  It feels weird.  We were not close.  He actually usually scared me a bit.  He was my dad’s only brother.  He was around a bit when Tam and I were young.  But then, his addictions and bitter lifestyle took him away from relationships.  He would occasionally come down for a holiday.  He was homeless for some time in Vegas.  He was a big help when my dad died.  Last year, he was homeless AND very sick, so my mom and Richard went to Vegas, packed him up, and moved him in with them to nurse him back to health.  I have a great deal of respect for Richard for wanting to take care of his wife’s dead husband’s crazy brother, and he did it well.   They transitioned him into his own housing a few months ago.  John helped him get his own car.  Again, he mostly just stayed to himself.  Now, with no real relationships at all, he died quietly with only my mom in the room, just 5 minutes before his long lost grown son (who drove 4 hours) arrived to say good-bye to a dad who mostly hurt him, and never took care of him.  Life is strange sometimes.   I feel sad that my dad’s brother is gone.  I feel sad that he lived his life in a way that separated him from people who could have loved him so much.  I feel glad that the love of Christ is what brought people near him in the end.  I am not sure of his salvation, but he did let my mom pray for him this morning.  How do you deal with this kind of loss?  Dead in his 50s, alone, and very sick due to emphysema, system failure, and infections- still drinking and smoking as he wheeled his oxygen tank around.  Were there people in his life that he impacted positively?  How did God use him?  What is the lesson?  For me, the lesson seems to be a renewed determination to live my life well, so that I can bless others and be surrounded by people I love in my “old” age.  I want my children to rise up and call me blessed.  But, I know that I must live a life that earns that.  And then, prayerfully, the grace of God will cover all of the areas where I fall short.  I am glad my mom has a heart of gold.  She has gone above and beyond on this one.  Having compassion for someone she did not have to because it is the right thing to do.  She was with him the moment he passed.  And she was glad to do it.  Amazing.  God Speed, J.O.. I pray you are reunited with my dad, and you can tell him we miss and love him still today, 7 years later.

Surprise visits can be so much fun! Aunt Robin, whom has not visited us since we moved here 7 years ago, called and said she was coming for 16 days. With 2 days notice, we did not even have time to worry about cleaning up the house. She arrived and we have enjoyed getting reacquainted with her. We have broken bread, prayed, danced, SHOPPED, walked, hiked, explored, shoveled, napped, laughed, cried, and had lots of coffee. I can’t believe our time is coming to an end. At first, I worried about 16 days. My grandma always said house guests are like fish, they both start stinking after 3 days. But, not this time. It has been more like a big box of chocolate. Having a few pieces every day, and being sad when you realize there is nothing but those brown wrappers left. We even had some blue sky today. Life is full of surprises.

Since my busy sister hasn’t answered her phone for DAYS and I have tried to call 5 times today to tell the most amazing 5 year old I know Happy Birthday…. here is a post in Ethan M. Brown’s honor. We love you so much!!! We can’t wait to hug you again. We miss you and wish you the very best Bday a little boy could imagine. We love your giggle, smile, ‘tude, and cool surfer-ness. Happy Birthday E!

Who is my sister? My one and only true girlfriend. She is beautiful obviously, but she is more than that. She is always striving to be real. To balance her giftings between what the world would use her for, and what God can use her for. She seeks authenticity in all relationships, even if that means spending most of her time in the trenches. She is constantly seeking truth, and struggling with the pain that truth often brings. Her only desire in life is for her family to be loved for who they are, not what they offer to others, and for her eternal search for that BFF, knowing all along that her only chance for any of that is through her Christ who loves her unconditionally, even on bad hair days. I love her and always pray for God’s protection over her vulnerable life. I pray for her to have good, faithful friends who can love on her when I am not physically near her. I pray for her to have safety and protection from the enemy’s attacks against her family, ministry, and life. I pray that the time is short between our visits. I pray that I have just one day a month where I look as hot as she looks on her worst days. I pray that people start thinking she is the “smart one” and that I am the “cute one.” :*) Thanks, Tam, for being in my dolphin pod, being a pearl in my life, and always holding me accountable for never purchasing or wearing “teacher sweaters.” I love you!!!

Merry Christmas! It is so hard to be away from our extended family on the holidays. The great news is that we had a white Christmas, Santa came, and we had a wonderful day enjoying each other. The kids were up at 1am to spy Santa’s treasures, and the day officially started at 7am with stockings, gifts, breakfast, and playtime. We had a wonderful feast of grilled steak, garlic potatoes, corn pudding, and chocolate pie. We played in the snow, with our new stuff, and with each other all day long. It is hard to believe that Nicole is almost grown, and that our Christmas’ together our becoming numbered. The best part of the day was hearing Chrissy say “Santa did good.”

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